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09 - The Consent Component

In kink, negotiation is planning out what you want to do to each other. So long as both of you are sober, you can get consent and get rolling. Since this is one of your first sessions, there isn’t much you need to negotiate beyond asking for permission.

This is a good time to check for topics to avoid. A slew of deepeners mention sinking below the water, and that’s a sure fire way to get someone to nope the fuck out if they’re afraid of drowning.

Think of this as more of a conversation than a checklist. Discussing your intentions and outlining what you plan on doing is much more practical than trying to spontaneously ingest the entirety of someone’s preferences.

A fun way to crack the lid open on this is to flip the tables. First - ask if there’s anything they’re looking to get out of it. Then, tell them what you want out of it, and what you want out of them.

Here are some examples:

  • Don’t want them to force, fight, or fake anything.
  • To stop and let you know if they’re having a bad ride.
  • If they have an itch, scratch it.
  • Stop for any reason at all. They don’t even have to explain to you why.

Moreover, here are some things you might want:

  • Practice
  • Feedback
  • An opportunity to experiment

If you think it may become an issue, this is an opportunity to let them know what you’d like your relationship to look like when you’re done. You can say you’d like to remain friends and say hello at the next meetup, gently inferring this is not the start of you becoming their regular hypnotist.

Ask how much time they have. You can say you’ve got about half an hour’s worth of time for them, and since things aren’t terribly spicy, you’ll have to collect feedback and run after the session. Or, if you’re doing this at a meet, you’d like to go back to socializing after doing an exit interview.

Other things you might want to talk about - up to your discretion:

  • How are you feeling about all this right now?
  • Anything else you’re unsure of?
  • Provide an outline of the content of your planned session.
  • Consent to hypnotize.
  • Do you have safeties in place? (When you get the experience to provide these, this is a nice thing to stack on to a session.)
  • Comfort check.
  • Ask if they have any preferences they’d like you to know about.