The Brainwashing Book
Before I get in to it, brainwashing is absolutely not my cup of tea. Hopefully my notes act as a refresher for the book for those that are in to it.
Chapter 1 - Introduction to Brainwashing
Section titled “Chapter 1 - Introduction to Brainwashing”This chapter is, as advertised, introduction. It covers some categories of brainwashing-like interactions, as well as some general notions about how to approach this with your partner. In addition, there’s some foreshadowing of having a plan when things go wrong, not if.
There’s a particularly insightful paragraph, hinting at this.
Where are the boundaries?… is it acceptable that there is a chance that there will be bleedover? What behavioral changes are safe and acceptable, and are there any that are 100% off limits? Is it ok that you’re not able to fully negotiate everything in advance?
sleepingirl. The Brainwashing Book: Hypnotic, Erotic Behaviorism and Beyond (p. 5). Kindle Edition.
Given consent, you can ethically work with your partner any way that you’d like. However, ethical behavior, consent, and risk awareness is not equivalent to safety.
Acknowledging that - here’s a compressed list of what some find appealing about the concept of brainwashing.
- Affective changes: Enjoying service, hypnosis and conditioning, feeling of a role (pet, servant, subject,) hobbies
- Behavioral changes: Anticipatory service, brattiness, compliance
- Cognitive changes: How you view your partner internally (are they smart, dominant,) believing and finding evidence you are brainwashed
They highlight that “The Unspoken Goal” of all this is to have fun with your partner. (I’ll personally add - it isn’t to control them, nor is it for the brainwashed to go so far into the sauce that they can permanently escape their current existence. It goes both ways.)
Chapter 2 - Methods for Brainwashing
Section titled “Chapter 2 - Methods for Brainwashing”This chapter introduces classical and operant conditioning as two primary techniques. It’ll be covered in detail in CH3 and CH4. They frame conditioning as associative learning - something we do naturally all the time.
In the frame of the book, conditioning is not just a phenomena, but a process that requires commitment from those in the relationship. Ideally, both of you should try to understand what an interaction encourages, as well as some basic empathy. Secondly, you can both commit to the process, understanding change takes time, repetition, and effort.
Continuing with the frame of the book, much of hypnosis works through conditioning (associative learning.) Counting down would be (and is) useless if it has no associations.
While the book does a decent job of explaining how to do conditioning in the later chapters, the eroticized view generally sees this as an ‘automatic’ process. Recent research (thankfully) indicates conditioning is intermixed and mediated by cognition. I’ve written more about that in my notes from the journal entry on The role of cognition in classical and operant conditioning .
Other Types of Conditioning
Section titled “Other Types of Conditioning”You’re going to be involved in some Whiskey Business if you do this at home.
They’ll do a deeper dive on risks in CH10, but some risks (some unavoidable) from the start:
- An unwanted change in relationship
- Dependency, clinginess, a reduced ability to be independent
- A mess when the relationship ends or changes
- Unattainable, irresponsible, or an insatiable need for escalation
In addition to the book’s warnings, unintentional or unwanted transference is something to watch out for. Past relationships and experiences are likely to come up, either in the brainwasher or brainwashee. I want to explicitly discourage you from approaching your relationship from a psychoanalysis or self-psychology perspective, but it’s a good idea to keep an eye out for “when some weird shit is happening.” You can get a crash course here: Episode 041: Therapeutic Alliance Part 4: What is Transference and Countertransference?
Weird shit happening, almost universally in kink, is an indication to step on the brakes.
The following links cover risks that are not exclusive to brainwashing, but are pertinent.
- https://binauralhistolog.com/newbie/getting-started/risks#frenzy
- https://binauralhistolog.com/newbie/getting-started/risks#hypnoamory
Doing the Thing - Simplified
Section titled “Doing the Thing - Simplified”Another link provided by the book club is How to actually train a submissive, a how to guide. Seems like reasonably cromulent advice in a compressed form - likely covering what’s in CH5 - Shaping.
Chapter 3 - Classical Conditioning
Section titled “Chapter 3 - Classical Conditioning”Let’s start with some definitions:
- Stimulus (S) and Response (R) - cause and effect.
- Unconditioned (U) - we didn’t change anything before the experiment. This could be an unconditioned stimulus or an unconditioned response. Salt & Vinegar chips (US) and salivation (UR) are both unconditioned.
- Neutral (N) - usually to denote a neutral stimulus that doesn’t have a response. EG - the act or sound of opening a jar.
- Conditioned (C) - where changes have been made.
Say you took the Salt & Vinegar chips (US) and put them in a jar instead of a bag. Your roommate got baked and idly walked next to you, opening the jar (CS) while watching whatever you were doing at your computer. You begin to salivate (CR), even though you’re both distracted watching YouTube slop.
Intuitively, CR’s don’t last forever. If the CS (jar opening) is repeated without the US (chips) present, you’ll stop salivating. They’ll also naturally fade out over time. Obviously, you should expect to occasionally recondition them.
Timing and Methods
Section titled “Timing and Methods”There’s a few flavors for how you can try to condition your response.
- Forward Conditioning - the US is presented before the NS/CS. (Presenting the chips before opening the jar.) There are two flavors of this:
- Delay Conditioning - there is some overlap for the US.
- Trace Conditioning - the US is delayed.
- See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_conditioning#Forward_conditioning for a visual representation.
- Simultaneous Conditioning. According to the book, less effective.
- Second-Order Conditioning. First, CS1 is conditioned (the jar opening.) After this is conditioned, your stoned roommate idly taps the jar lid (CS2) habitually before popping that bad boy open. If you started salivating at the sound of them tapping the lid, congrats, CS2 is now conditioned.
- Temporal Conditioning. The US is presented in intervals, or at the same time every day.
- Backward conditioning. First the US, then the CS.
Other Factors
Section titled “Other Factors”- Stimulus generalization. Oops! Opening any jar makes you salivate now.
- Stimulus discrimination. Ah good! After opening the jar of glue a few times, it no longer makes you salivate automatically.
- Latent inhibition. If the CS is commonplace or has other associations (EG - your Telegram notification sound,) it’ll be more difficult to condition.
The book mentions prediction theory, but I think this is a generalized concept that the organism is taught to predict the outcome. (I couldn’t find an explicit link to this idea.) This may be related to the ideas in The role of cognition in classical and operant conditioning .
The chapter concludes with a note to, in a roundabout way, focus on the ‘fun’ factor. For example, I’d personally rather eat three pounds of raw kale before being conditioned to ‘drop’ to a ‘spiral.’ Not to yuck their yum, just talk to the person you’re working with.
On a tangent, there’s an ‘animal training’ aspect to all this that shouldn’t be overlooked. Maybe your partner loves being treated as a wild coyote, and that’s a motivating factor. On the other hand, they could see it as demeaning and annoying, making it less effective. If you’re in this deep, it’s very likely your partner wants to be ‘trained,’ will actively engage with conditioning, will provide feedback, and will find the process inherently fun. I’d wager a close relationship with your partner will give you more purchase than any small change in methodology.
See also: Wikipedia - Classical conditioning
Chapter 4: Operant Conditioning
Section titled “Chapter 4: Operant Conditioning”In contrast to classical conditioning that builds associations, operant (instrumental) conditioning modifies voluntary behaviors.
Again - let’s start off with some definitions:
- Reinforcement (R): Anything desirable, encouraging the operant behavior.
- Punishment (P): Anything undesirable, discouraging the operant behavior.
- Positive (+): Add a stimulus, good, bad, or neutral.
- Negative (-): Remove a stimulus, good, bad, or neutral.
This can be a bit odd to wrap your head around with positive and negative having their own associations, so let’s cover some examples:
- Positive Punishment (+P) - you eat Taco Bell and get gastrointestinal distress. The gastrointestinal distress is the positive punishment.
- Negative Reinforcement (-R) - you decide to shop early in the morning, and there’s no crowd to contend with. The crowd stimulus is removed, providing (good) negative reinforcement.
(See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning#Modifying_operant_behavior:_reinforcement_and_punishment for more examples.)
Extinction in Operant Conditioning
Section titled “Extinction in Operant Conditioning”These concepts feel reasonably intuitive. I’m going to deviate from the book a bit here to summarize, simplify, and present a unique idea or two.
- Extinction: Extinction can happen because of… well, all the stuff we already talked about. You can just talk to your partner about their subjective experience.
- Extinction bursts: The operant behavior dramatically increases signaling extinction may come soon. This may be because the participant’s behavior is not being reinforced, and may stop suddenly if changes don’t occur. On the other hand, this can be expressed as an increase in engagement to get your attention. This can resemble frenzy.
Operant Conditioning Gotchas
Section titled “Operant Conditioning Gotchas”- Deliberately conditioning your partner is straightforward, but you may be unaware of the effects of some of your actions. EG - if your partner tries to get your attention while you’re busy, and instead of greeting them warmly or offering an alternative, you might be giving them a +P signal by brushing them off.
- Kink often involves Funishment. If you’re working with a brat, you might be conditioning them to get a rise out of you. Keep responses contextually clear.
- Nobody is really motivated by tiny bits of chocolate or small treats at work. The kink interaction or gesture of appreciation are the true rewards.
- Satiation/Deprivation happen in both you and your partner.
- Immediacy matters. Waiting sucks. Stealing a tool from An idea for positive reinforcement in daily tasks, consider tokens or poker chips if you can’t pay out your reward in a timely manner. Heck, find a token that symbolizes your shared proclivities.
- Consistency/contingency matters. Inconsistent rewards reinforce more slowly. However, according to Wikipedia, “Responses reinforced intermittently are usually slower to extinguish than are responses that have always been reinforced.”
- The size of the reward matters. sleepingirl, referencing the book “Don’t Shoot the Dog,” says the reward should be as small as “we can get away with” to prevent immediate satiation and the immediate need for escalation. They also mention the concept of a jackpot. This can kickstart your behavior change.
Reinforcement Schedules
Section titled “Reinforcement Schedules”While there are some suggestions here about reinforcement schedules, being in tune to your partner really is the most important part. Take these as inspiration, not rules.
| Schedule | Example | Base Efficacy |
|---|---|---|
| Continuous | Headpats, every time they call you master. | Learning is quick, but the efficacy falls off quickly as well. |
| Fixed Ratio (partial) | Headpats, once every three times they call you master. | High levels of response and motivation. However, since your partner will catch on, this can feel trite unless you explain your intentions. |
| Variable Ratio (Partial) | Headpats, after a random number of operant behaviors. | Reliable responses, good after the initial training. |
| Fixed Interval Schedule (Partial) | Headpats, once per day, when your partner calls you master. | Good responses since the partner is ‘expecting’ the reward, and the responsiveness dips just a bit after the reward is given. |
| Variable Interval Schedule (Partial) | Occasionally reinforcing your partner with headpats after a period of time. | Resistant to extinction and a steady response rate. |
sleepingirl highlights Appreciate, Don’t Neglect in their closing advice. Even if you withhold reinforcement, continue to show appreciation. (Otherwise, ignoring them to try to stick to a schedule would be intervallically punishing the operant behavior. You’d also be an asshole.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operant_conditioning
Chapter 5: Shaping
Section titled “Chapter 5: Shaping”This can be broken down into a simple, easy to follow strategy:
- Figure out what your target behavior is, draw out a map, and be flexible
- Make sure the steps are small and achievable
- Reinforce each step, make sure the process is rewarding, and after a while - increase the bar
- If you lose progress, go back and reinforce the earlier steps
- End each training session or set of attempts on success, if possible
Assuming your partner is into this, finding out their eager to proceed will help the process. If they’re in to denial, deny them the ability to try to progress for a bit. If they want to move faster, encourage it, but be sure to pace alongside them, and reward their progress.
Move slowly - there’s no reason to hastily squander an enjoyable process. In addition, if there’s no end goal, this could be an enjoyable, never-ending project instead of a mountain to climb.
Chapter 6: Hypnosis
Section titled “Chapter 6: Hypnosis”(There isn’t a hell of a lot here.)
Some tips:
- Be less concerned with creating trance, and more concerned with clearly communicating
- Realize your partner is always communicating, in trance or out
- For example, little twitches, their breathing slowing down, shifting during trance can all be clues as to what’s going on with them
- In addition, classically reinforcing with “That’s right” whenever you see their eyelids flutter or their head dip forward is communicating back and forth with them, in this light
- There’s no ‘wrong’ answers here, and preferentially, no goal aside from you to work with your partner as the hypnotist
- Don’t forget your utilization - even outside of trance
- For example, I’d probably say something like “I’m kinda anxious about turning up the strength of the shock collar.” A solid response would utilize that with “Yeah… That’s perfectly okay to be anxious for now, and sometimes that makes the scene a little hotter, giving into the situation… don’t you think?”
Chapter 7: Applications and Considerations
Section titled “Chapter 7: Applications and Considerations”Consider that - the path to brainwashing is nonlinear, and will provide you with many choices. It’s all right (and encouraged) to experiment. For example, if your partner is begging for sub time, you could give it to them, but you’re reinforcing the behavior to beg. You might try denying them and asking them to prove to you how much they’d like sub time, or ask them for some other behavior you’ve discussed.
Reinforce the choices they make for you that you like positively. If you like them dressing up or showing up on time for you, reward that behavior and show your appreciation.
There’s not much reason to use punishment in positive reinforcement - from earlier chapters, we already know that using this is likely to reduce the urge to engage as an undesirable side effect to discouraging the unwanted behavior. In addition, in your hypnotic sessions, you’ll obviously want them to interact with you and feel comfortable opening up to you, so avoiding punishments (not to be confused with funishments) is ideal.
Know that if we’re trying to adjust some sort of pattern or belief that is unconscious, as usual, avoid punishments. Beliefs and feelings often feel out of our control. Positively reinforcing behaviors and thoughts that you want to encourage will be much easier than trying to wrangle their unconscious into submission.
The biggest tip I like from this chapter is to change the rules to fit the behavior, rather than change the behavior to fit the rules. This is ‘free’ to do emotionally, and will give you a wedge in for change, rather than going directly against the grain. (Ex: If you’d like your partner to make more advances on you, shift the rules and requests to include something they’re already doing, like texting you with requests to play.)
As the brainwasher, you’re also subject to all the effects and needs as an animal as well. You gain satisfaction from watching behaviors change, as well as possibly becoming dependent on your partner wanting to be there for you. Be aware that their actions, responsiveness, and even existence are changing you as well. Exercise vigilance and awareness of something souring your mood or changing your needs, and taking those needs out on your partner.
Chapter 8: Tools
Section titled “Chapter 8: Tools”Timing and parameters:
Section titled “Timing and parameters:”- Remember that, with anchoring and triggers, simultaneous conditioning is not the most effective method of pairing responses. Use your trigger a bit before the response that you want.
- Praise or reward your subject for doing exactly what you intended - it’s not always easy.
- You can also provide parameters for them to self reward - like saying “I am a good pet” after cleaning their room.
- An interesting concept - give them permission to use an erotic mantra or phrase when they do something well. Such as, after they’ve pleased you, order or give them permission to say “I love to serve.”
General Tips
Section titled “General Tips”- The branding or theming around the emotional pleasure you give your subject can dictate the vibe or direction of your brainwashing (or relationship.)
- Even though praise is positive, some people have tender feelings around areas they feel insecure, so it may be worthwhile to proceed gently. There are at least two directions you can take this - either make it so that they are rewarded for accepting the praise, or make it into a fun humiliation game.
Mantra Tips
Section titled “Mantra Tips”- Mantras are far more effective when they’re associated with something. “I’m a horny sex toy” in itself isn’t much, but having them imagine some toy like scene or imagery will help out. For a fun, sexy idea, have them repeat the mantra out loud as you stack on images.
- Make a mantra part of their daily ritual.
- Frame the mantra as something that’ll create change.
Protocol Tips
Section titled “Protocol Tips”- Be clear about your protocols, and when you expect them to be followed (or when they’re flexible or a nice-to-have.) For example, have explicit high-protocol times.
- Haters gonna hate, have fun with your protocols, they don’t need to be serious
- Watch for patterns, either from you or your subject, as these can be hints as to protocols to create
- Don’t be an asshole and punish someone for being unable to follow a protocol - you’re both on the same team
Denial Tips
Section titled “Denial Tips”- If you’re feeling cheeky, you can deny something and be ambiguous about when you’ll give it back to them - they may struggle to find a way to please you. (This is effective, but I’m not sure this fits my vibe!)
- Denial can just be used to increase anticipation. No need to be mean about it.
- Watch for negative signs - like sulking, being upset, or losing interest. You’ll want to re-evaluate your game.
Causality Tips
Section titled “Causality Tips”Really, this is just creating association in a broader sense. Instead of (pace, pace, pace), leading to their body becoming heavier, you (pace) lead into a ‘complex change.’ Such as, because they’ve been so receptive to your conditioning, they’re ideal for brainwashing.
”Traps”
Section titled “”Traps””This is just an extension of radical utilization. In the broadest sense, make everything a ‘win’ for your control. EG - if they’re masturbating without thinking of you, the next time it will be even stronger.
Control
Section titled “Control”You don’t really need to make big changes to give the feeling of ‘control.’ Simply suggest they’re doing something because of your will. Even changing some basic preferences can feel huge to your partner. Giving your partner a mantra in the morning can really boost that feeling of corruption if they want it. Continuing that, reminding your partner about how they used to behave or see themselves can be huge.
Examples
Section titled “Examples”| Type | Example/Trigger |
|---|---|
| Conditioned reinforcers | Good girl/boy/pet/toy That makes me so happy Head Pats Bell Sounds Applause |
| Anchoring/Triggers | Snap your fingers Touch their shoulder You say a specific word or phrase They put their head on their pillow They start to masturbate |
| (Trigger Results) | Feel some kind of pleasure Get dumber Make a noise or say a phrase Forget the last five seconds Freeze Change personalities or become doll-like |
| Sexual Pleasure | Increasing the physical sensations of having your partner touch themselves Having an intense jolt of pleasure to which they can’t react Having a vivid recollection of the best sex they’ve ever had Hitting the edge of an orgasm Feeling the heat of arousal spread slowly through them Becoming engulfed or consumed with a sense of ecstasy |
| Emotional Pleasure | The feeling of: Winning a game Achieving a goal that’s been set for a long time Pleasing their partner Being Carefree Fulfilled or satisfied Being a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 Being a well loved pet Being under your thumb |
| Praise | Oh yeah, that’s hot You’re doing so well Look how pretty your eyes are when they flutter So responsive What a good dolly Wow, you’re such a dumb bibmo |
| Mantras | I can’t think I am a dumb slut Obedience is pleasure (Who is a good toy?) (I am master.) This slave is brainwashed (Going deep…) (…Is so easy) |
| Protocol | Maintaining proper posture Asking permission for something they might normally have easy access to Wearing a certain item of clothing or accessory in certain situations Eye contact (making or not making) Taking a photo of themselves every day Opening doors or carrying items for you |
| Gifts | Anchor where they feel a rush of submissiveness, touching a body part Hypnotically replacing a part of their body with something magical (or adding phantom tail or wings) The feeling of an invisible collar or jewelry on them A mental state when they wear an article of clothing The very act of giving a suggestion |
| Denial | Allowing them or instructing them to masturbate, but not to orgasm Total sexual pleasure denial Not allowed to moan or make sounds Only allowing orgasm under certain conditions like when they are giving oral Not allowed to eat one of their favorite foods Not allowing them to go into trance to a beloved crystal |
| Causality Cause and Effect Complex Equivalence | You are brainwashing them because they deserve it for being good Experiencing things this intensely means they are giving up so much control to you Being this conditioned probably means Their orgasms will get stronger, thinking of you They are going to excel at pleasuring you Because they have been thinking of you so much Absentmindedly forgetting something might mean They are actually getting a little dumber Your ability to learn through conditioning Makes you well suited to being brainwashed |
| Traps | They are being brainwashed Even when they’re unconsciously processing it and not actively thinking about it Even when they’re not masturbating about you It just makes the next time they do it stronger Their daily routine brainwashes them Because they are training themselves to behave well Familiar and familiar trance responses Make them learn more about themselves as a subject and thus more suggestible Unlearning a behavior is just an opportunity to relearn And get more brainwashed When they think about being obedient to you They have some sort of response, even if they don’t notice it |
| Control | Changing the way they respond hypnotically Like strengthening eye flutters Telling them to dress a certain way Making them improve at cooking Only allowing them to touch a part of their body When they’ve asked permission Implanting thought patterns (that they periodically get stuck in) |
Chapter 9: Fantasies and Scenes
Section titled “Chapter 9: Fantasies and Scenes”Something I haven’t thought about before - good scenes should have multiple ramps of intensity.
I do like the idea of, in your pre talk, if your subject gives you a ‘blue’ and you’re comfortable with the risk, agreeing to be able to negotiate up during a scene. You can even consider negotiating ‘sideways’ if a scene starts to take a different direction.
Situations vs Tones examples
Section titled “Situations vs Tones examples”I yoinked these handy-dandy lists for ideas during negotiation.
Situations:
- Becoming recruited to be a member of a sexy brainwashing cult or hivemind
- Volunteering to be a test subject for a mind control ray experiment
- Going throughout their day while unknowingly being subject to subliminal messaging
- A stranger drugs their drink with something that makes them malleable or lowers their IQ
- Taken for an examination by a perverted doctor with drugs that make them docile and obedient
- A supervillain caught in the clutches of the hero with mind-bending powers
- A dolly or android brought to life and controlled by its maker
- Trapped in a room filled with spiral screens or wearing special headphones, unaware of how they got there
- Meeting for the first time as someone totally new to hypnosis
- Becoming a servant to the master of the house
Tones:
- Caring and loving
- Dark and dangerous
- Devotional and exalting
- Predator and prey
- Forceful and pushing
- Playful and frisky
- Scary and chilling
- Seductive and captivating
- Authoritative and domineering
Chapter 10: Risky, Riskier, Riskiest
Section titled “Chapter 10: Risky, Riskier, Riskiest”Questions for both the ‘tist and subject:
- What could go wrong?
- What conditions could affect how risky this is?
- What conditions can I create to reduce risk?
- What can I do if something goes wrong.
RACK means not only awareness, but acceptance. I also like throwing PRICK in here as well as both parties should take personal responsibility in this. If you are ‘tisting, require your subject to take active part in risk awareness and management. If your subject already has problems with their independence, this makes high-risk play even less advisable.
If you are hypnotically reducing resistance, paradoxically, you will also need to make sure you encourage their own agency, perhaps framing their lack of resistance as their inability to prevent their own agency. You need to encourage them and make sure they learn to say ‘no’ during trance, and can bring themselves out. You, as the ‘tist, need to be able to trust they can reject unwanted phenomena. Safety suggestions are good, but fallible, and you should be promoting healthy behavior patterns in addition to permission to resist and reject unwanted suggestions.
Gaslighting
Section titled “Gaslighting”Gaslighting, at it’s core, is manipulating your subject into putting their own beliefs into question. Obviously, as a negative and long-term side-effect of this is your partner may begin to question their beliefs and memories.
You can mitigate some risks by gaslighting in a playful or flirtatious manner, perhaps with a tell, over things that are of little consequence like ‘what to have for dinner.’ You can also do it over pre-arranged topics with limited scope.
Mitigation
Section titled “Mitigation”- Set limits and boundaries on ‘gassy’ topics
- Ensure your partner knows how to spot gaslighting and how it works
- Use signaling, it can be helpful if you need to be serious
Addiction
Section titled “Addiction”- This can be seen as an intense crush or an need for a drug, with a component of relief
- They directly say do not set up any sort of negative effects without you - they’ll likely already naturally experience it
- Withdrawal is real - and happens with any normal relationship
Mitigation
Section titled “Mitigation”- This play is dangerous, and there is no way to make it safe
- Ensure you have consistent contact
- Give you subject tools to ‘stave off’ the addiction, like tasks like writing in a journal to you, or to take a selfie
- Normalize taking time apart
Identity
Section titled “Identity”- Suggesting that someone is malleable is attractive and desirable is one step, but the next level would be using their history against them to explain why they are malleable, and ‘trapping’ them implying the causality sounds you, is another step.
- A brainwashed identity, even without direct suggestions, can (and likely will) happen spontaneously, and is self-reinforcing
- Find out explicitly what you can tinker with
Mitigation
Section titled “Mitigation”- Neither of you are going to know where your emotional landmines are
- Conditioning will never be magically contained with suggestion
- There is no clear ‘how far is too far,’ so communicate
Chapter 11: Undoing and Deprogramming
Section titled “Chapter 11: Undoing and Deprogramming”You already know how to create these associations, you can use the same tools you already know to break them.
Ask yourself why a behavior is persisting, since the best choice is the one that will persist
- There’s the clear obvious component of the direct pleasure and satisfaction…
- But perhaps other needs like control and restriction are benefitting them
- Guilt may be a component, even the slightest admonishments can be powerful Learned behaviors and associations will naturally go extinct over time
- Keep an eye on anchors and behaviors, making sure to remove reinforcements
- Extinction can be very unpleasant, especially if they’re losing their attachment for you - it would be humane to find some sort of replacement satisfaction for your subject, or help them with that Replacing some conditioning is just reconditioning towards something more permissive
- For example, replacing the ‘guilt’ of masturbating to someone that’s not you with the sensation of perseverance
- Assure them that it’s a process, that they’re not doing anything wrong Defining ‘what’ makes an un-brainwashed person can give direction
- Perhaps they’re obsessing over waiting for a message, encourage a behavior that’s healthier
- You’ll need to dig in a few levels here Don’t be a therapist
- Seek professional help if there are untenable behavioral changes