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Kinky NLP

While NLP is pseudoscience, and disproven in many ways, it’s not useless. If you think of it as a tool or abstract framework there’s a chance you’ll find it useful, and likely catch on to it’s bullshit, too. Get the book here.

Chapter 1: Introduction to the Meta Model

The Structure of Magic 1 and 2 was written by Bandler (publisher of therapy and psychology books, had a knack for emulating speech patterns), Grinder (a linguistics professor, asked questions and observed responses to language patterns), and Pucelik (A student of psychology and pol-sci, met Bandler and did seminars on Gestalt therapy together.)

The three ‘wizards’ were Fritz Perls (Gestalt therapy), Virginia Satir (family therapist,) and Milton Erickson (hypnotist.) Strangely, Pucelik was not invited to meet Erickson with Bandler and Grinder, and was booted off the team.

Map

From a quick read, a map is just a teaching tool to explain that you and the person you’re working with likely have a different understanding of everything. They would also go further to suggest that a lot of the client’s problems could be ‘errors in the map.’ This pretty much just ties into avoiding assumptions about your client’s thoughts, as well as why you would use their language directly.

Here’s some NLP lingo for things that happen to our ‘map’:

  • Generalizations - bundling a class of experiences. EG - every trip to the DMV will suck.
  • Deletion - incomplete recall of an experience. You had fun at the party, but forgot how much the drive sucked.
  • Distortion - changing the quality of something. Recalling something incorrectly, but remembering that as true. Or, creatively linking two things, like the smooth texture of your keyboard keys to pleasure.

None of these behaviors are inherently ‘bad,’ just something to be aware of (or tinker with.)

Working with a map - NLP provides labels for language structures where something could be happening. I could run through the examples, but I think if you’re digging into something with intent, you could just look for generalizations, deletions, and distortions, and dig in asking about that for more specifics. A lot of this boils down to “Really, are you sure?” or picking part any assumptions in there. I’ll scribble down some of the more novel ones…

  • Nominalization - a noun made abstract. Their example is “I want evil hypnosis.” You can dig in and see what they’d like, just by digging in to that statement.
  • Mind Reading - “I know you want (foo).” You can just call this out, or ask them why they thought it.
  • Cause-Effect - these can be occasionally counterproductive. You can question whether these two are actually linked - like slower breathing and suggestibility.
  • Complex Equivalence - or - reaching possibly erroneous conclusions. “I’m not a super-responder, so I won’t be able to experience hypnotic amnesia” may be a good one to question.
  • Presupposition - where truth is assumed and baked into the statement. “I really want to go into trance!” could let you dig into why they assume they aren’t in trance, and how they’ll know when they are in trance.

Bits and pieces

  • If you ask a question, expect only surface level information. “I had fun” could translate to “I had a blast, and I’d love to do that again!” or “I had a blast, but I could do for a little less Micky Mouse voice in the middle of my session.”

Chapter 2: Modality and Representational Systems

So, what’s good?

  • You can listen to your partner and the details that they provide about an experience (or what they’d like) to learn more about them. It sounds obvious, but if they’re into the kinesthetic sensations of being wrapped up by a snake, they’ll talk about it when they ask, and you’ll know what to feed back to them later.
  • You can provide descriptions in a ‘4-tuple’ of the VAKog senses - EG - VAK(og). This will help you rotate around the experience.
  • Do you have problems giving suggestions in one modality? Use another modality. If they don’t feel submissive, visually describe them as being submissive.
  • If they have an abstract concept they want to experience, say - transformation or submission, you can tell them that they’re seeing it, feeling it, or hearing it… Then collect information, and make that abstract concept concrete

Chapter 3: The Meta Model’s Updates

(This chapter wasn’t terribly meaty, so here’s some pointers. As usual with NLP, take it with a grain of salt.)

  • You can go meta on the meta. For example, “How do you feel about feeling that” to take one step back.
  • NLP describes things on different levels of hierarchy as being a ‘chunk up’ or ‘chunk down’
  • Hall summarized Korzybski’s theory of general semantics as:
    • You cannot say, “A word means what it means.” (The Principle of Non-Identity)
    • Contradicting something is more about degrees than yes or no. In an absurd case, The Principle of Contradiction may say that a cat is 99.999% not a dog. (I’m not sold on this.)
    • Given The Principle of the Middles, Boolean/binary things are non-existent. I can see how this could be a useful tool, but I’m not sold.
  • They provide a few more metal model violations and question examples
    • “The best way” to do something creates presuppositions.
    • The phrase “body and mind” creates problems separating something that could be seen as a whole - ‘Are they really separate?’
    • Either/or can be changed into a gradient
    • Multiordinality terms happen when something is generalized to the point of being self-referential, e.g., thinking about thinking.
    • “This is just how it is” describes Static or Signal Words.
    • “I’m a challenging subject,” or other phrases, could use a breakdown.
    • Personalizing is connecting a target to some part of their self-image. Like assuming a hypnotist doesn’t want to work with someone because they’re ADHD.
    • An interesting way to break down a metaphor is to directly ask what it represents, instead of the usual “what’s that like?”
      • Internet Tiger: “Asking indirectly may be advantageous. Forcing them to explain the metaphor may force them to ascribe meaning to something where there was none, or limit the existing meaning the metaphor had.”

Chapter 4: Introduction to the Milton Model

A note to kick this off with a mix of my thoughts…

  • Milton Erickson’s ideas are not flawless
  • NLP’s regurgitation of Erickson’s language patterns will both have flaws, as well as be unable to encapsulate Erickson’s ideas
  • The Conscious/Unconscious mind split and the hidden observer are both just ideas, but are not how the mind actually works. (See Binaural Histolog’s writings for his distillation of modern, scholarly theories on the subject.)
  • While “critical faculty” is a term, I believe Dave Elman suggested it was something you needed to ‘bypass’ to have effective hypnosis. The critical faculty is a concept, not a true part of your brain. There is no “critical faculty” blob on the left nut of your basal ganglia.
  • The unconscious mind is not some separate thing - avoid anthropomorphizing it. Despite all this, it’s a good tool for making suggestions because “your unconscious mind can just make that happen for you.” Don’t rely on that pattern for any truth beyond what you’d expect your hypnodrunk partner to spit out.

Chapter 5: Pacing, Leading, and Ambiguity

A few tips and thoughts:

  • Like most hypnosis adjacent book, this also covers pacing and leading.
  • A tip on utilization - you can use their likes and dislikes there. EG - if your subject likes looking into your eyes, you can suggest how enjoyable it is to look into their eyes.
  • They mention yes sets - but they suggest the questions and responses need not be verbal. They give the example with someone nonverbally using rope to ask questions,, laying the rope in a certain way, and reading their facial expression as a ‘yes.’
    • In addition, your ‘yes’ could be their hypnotic response if you watch their shoulders relax.
  • Sometimes, ambiguity is good. “You can notice (body part), that feeling ‘shifting’ anything. ”
  • Try to aim towards ‘mind reading!’
    • “Oh, you felt that, huh?”
    • “That’s right…”
    • “I know how much you are loving this…”
  • “Collapsing ambiguity”
    • This isn’t how it’s described in the book, but you can try a structure like…
    • “Ah… you notice that feeling (Ambiguous), that feeling building inside you (ambiguous)… You feel that tingle on your arm building in, all coming at once, that fur starting to grow in… (leading)”

[utilization] was meant to describe when a subject hears something that they need to process by going internally to understand its meaning.

sleepingirl. Kinky NLP: Neuro-Linguistic Programming for Erotic Hypnosis (p. 85). Independent Publisher. Kindle Edition.

Chapter 6: Direct vs Indirect Language

A gradient of suggestions:

  • Feel x.
  • You feel x.
  • You can feel x.
  • Maybe you can feel x.
  • Maybe you can feel a little bit of x.
  • I wonder if maybe you can feel a little bit of x.
  • My friend John felt a little bit of x when he did what you’re doing.
  • I don’t know when you’re going to start to feel x.

Consider the intent of the ‘packaging’ of the suggestion:

  • Does the confusion build tension or a search?
  • Is it supposed to hedge the bet that something may or may not happen?
  • Do you need a get out of jail free card if something doesn’t work?
  • Will the effect be slight?
  • Are you exerting authority?

Thoughts in general:

  • It’s too simple to think of ‘direct and indirect.’ Think in terms of your subject’s experience.
  • “Hedges” can be tacked on to soften a suggestion or make it more polite. (Sometimes, almost, relatively, possibly, seems like, may appear, might be, perhaps…)
    • Can you feel a little bit of x?
    • I’ve been told that x can feel y.
    • X is just another kind of y, isn’t it?

Chapter 7: The Milton Model Patterns

The ‘Milton’ method of trance is (according to Bandler and Grinder):

  1. Distract your subject
  2. Use “language processing which occurs below the level of awareness” 🙄
  3. Then, access the ‘non dominant’ hemisphere (unconscious) (The book acknowledges that this can be seen as a little silly.)

According to the Milton model, the key to hypnotic language is to lean towards generalizations, deletions, and distortions (see previous) - this will require more processing, which, according to it’s own model, is naturally conducive to trance. Or in more reasonable terms, be ambiguous so the subject will find their own meaning, and do the work for you.

In NLP speak - the ‘surface structure’ is what you directly say, and the ‘deep structure’ is the implied meaning.

Also continuing with NLP speak, a Transderivational Search is what happens when someone changes what you said into meaning for themselves. NLP sees this not from just ‘parsing’ the words, but transforming it to relate to their ‘map’ and worldview. In hypnokink, a TDS usually has more to do with a deep internal search for meaning.

Use presuppositions to your advantage with phrases like “How deep do you want to go?” (This reinforces that they do want to go into trance.) I’m personally not sure if this has any effect, but I like the idea of more skillfully using language.

Generalizations

  • Words like “always” and “every” imply there are no exceptions
  • Must, can, should will, mustn’t, can’t, shouldn’t, won’t all create “Modal Operators of Necessity or Probability”

Deletions:

  • You can use a ‘lack of referential index’ to have a subject relate in an indirect way
    • “Some people find that they enjoy putting their shoes on.”
    • “Good drones like to find themselves obeying orders.”
  • ‘Comparative deletions’ have the subject look for the deletion itself
    • Are you noticing how you’re feeling colder, now?
    • That’s better now, isn’t it?
  • ‘Unspecified Verbs’ make a process unclear.
    • “All you need is a little push… and your thoughts can make that adjustment for you, now.”
    • Can you imagine how it’ll be when you finally turn into a goo creature of my own image?
  • ‘Nominalizations’ are nouns that can’t be “put in a wheelbarrow.” It’s not that they’re just non-physical, it’s that they can’t be standardized - and will have unique meaning to every person. EG…
    • “Feel my control / grip over you”
    • “Like a black ooze passing into the crevices of your mind, seeping and saturating every little crack.

Distortions:

  • ‘Mind reading’ uses phrases like “I know how badly you want to be my submissive subject,” or things along the lines of “it’s obvious, it’s clear, apparently…, it appears that”
  • ‘Lost Performative’ statements assign worth or value without explaining it.
    • “It feels good to be a cat.”
    • “We know it’s better for you to just let go, and we know it always feels better when you finally give up…”
  • ‘Cause-Effect’ is a lot like Anthony Jacquin’s ‘linking’ concept. Because A you B. If/then, because, makes, causes.
    • “Each breath as you look into my left nipple causes you to go deeper.” (Just seeing if you’re awake.)
    • “And as you press harder down onto the table, it just sinks in, sticking even more firmly.”
  • ‘Complex Equivalence’ includes means, because, and equals.
    • “And because you’re such a good toy, you can feel your mind slowly beginning to melt.”
    • “I can see the muscles around your eyes softening… you’re starting to give in.”
    • “You’re just a needy little toaster because you want to be controlled so badly.”
  • Presuppositions require an assumption to be taken for the sentence to be parsed.
    • “Maybe you’re not quite so eager, yet, because I haven’t programmed you to be that way.”
    • “As you continue to relax just a bit more, I’m not sure if your mind or body will begin to drift completely into bliss first.”

Other Parts:

  • You know you can use Tag Questions to lengthen your yes set, right? (Isn’t it, aren’t you, yeah?)
  • Double binds both have desirable outcomes.
    • “Did you want to but the car now or did you need to talk about it a little more first?”
    • Maybe just looking into my eyes helps you focus… or maybe instead it’s causing those eyelids of yours to start dropping down, just like that.
  • Embedded commands is just using ‘analog marking’ to cram a suggestion into a sentence. (I’m not sold on these, but eh.)
  • Conversational postulates are just suggestions that look like requests.
    • Can you do me a favor and notice how relaxed your eyes are becoming?
    • Do you think you can allow yourself to go along with the flow as you start to listen to my words a bit more intently?
  • Extended quotes wrap suggestions in a conversation with someone else - EG - like My Friend John when giving suggestions to ‘John.’
  • Selectional Restriction is anthropomorphizing or personifying something for your suggestion.
    • “I bet your hands are just burning to get down on the floor and beg for me.”
    • “Are your eyes just watering and trembling for my affection and attention?”
  • Factive (Awareness) Predicates use a presumption to use awareness to make a suggestion true.
    • And at this point, you’ve probably noticed your eyelids have already begun to become heavier.
    • Have you realized just how slow your breathing is becoming right now?

Chapter 8: Presuppositions

Presuppositions require an inference to be made by parsing the sentence.

Existence Based (Simple)

Names, pronouns, descriptors (my friend) (Foo) told me that they really like reading this.

Nouns I love magical amulets that send my subjects down, deeply and efficiently. (Supposes magical amulets exist.)

Quantifiers (some, each, every, few) (Foo) of the things you’re feeling may seem very odd to you right now.

Time Based

Subordinate clauses of time (before, after, when, during, while, as) You don’t need to finish eating that sandwich before you go into trance.

Change of time verbs/adverbs (start, continue, begin, end, stop, yet, still, anymore) I wonder if you can even stop yourself from going under.

Cleft sentences: it is <x> that… it was <x> that… It’s the way that your eyelids become heavy so easily that makes you my favorite subject.

Ordinal markers: First, second, lastly The first thing you need to do to go into trance is put that sandwich down. (There is more than one thing to do before going into trance.)

Repetitive cue words: Return, repeat, restore Can you feel that instruction restore itself in your mind, time and time again, you subby little toaster?

Quality Based

Relative clauses: <x> (that, who) <y> Many of the feelings that you’re experiencing right now are just signs that you’re letting go already.

Comparatives: more, less, -er Do you think that your phantom touch is even stronger, now? (They already had phantom touch.)

Comparative as: as <x> as… If it’s as quick as snapping my fingers and dropping you, I’m sure we’ll be able to improve that phantom sense in no time. (They could be easily dropped by a finger snap.)

Qualifiers: only, just, except Do you think the only way to improve your phantom sense is with trance? (Phantom sense can be improved.)

Change of place verbs: come, go, left, arrived And all of your thoughts and feelings have come right to this little compressed point in the middle of your forehead, ready for me to pluck out. (Thoughts now have a position.)

Change of state verbs/adverbs: transform, changed, become You aren’t becoming more of a fox than a wolf, are you? (They previously weren’t a fox.)

Awareness adjectives/adverbs: realize, notice, aware Are you aware of just how far your head has fallen forward already? (Their head has already started to fall forward. )

Commentary adjectives/adverbs: Interesting, happily, slowly, easy Have you noticed how easy it’s been for me to help you relax and listen to my words? (They are already relaxing.)

How to think about it

Keeping all this in your head is going to be a mess - sleepingirl suggests being aware of existence, timing, or quality presuppositions in conversation or reading will help you. Or…

  • As you feel that transformation…
  • Before you feel that transformation
  • While you begin to experience that intense transformation You don’t need to be sneaky about this! You can highlight this to your partner, especially in hypnokink settings.

Feel free to stack these. EG “When you realize that feeling of that transformation taking place inside… beginning to form… you’ll know that at this point - it’s too far to go back.” This creates a presupposition that at some point they’ll realize a transformation is taking place, linking it to a feeling that they’ll notice. This gives your suggestion two entry points.

All this aside, sleepingirl makes a point to keep in mind:

There should be no rules about how to conceptualize what makes up a suggestion; more so, you should take the techniques that are helpful and make sense to you.

Chapter 9: Double Binds

Interestingly - the chapter starts out by describing Bateson’s Double Bind - providing background information on uncomfortable double binds as situations, outside of the scope of hypnosis, and more in the area of therapy.

NLP Double Binds

Here’s the ‘hypnotically applicable’ double bind…

  • Often a question with an or.
    • Do you want (foo), or (bar).
    • Do you want (foo) when (a) or (b).
  • Can be made ambiguous and less ‘rejectable’ with “I wonder if (foo), or (bar).”
  • Can be tripled… “I wonder if (foo) will happen (a), (b), or maybe even (c.)”

Chapter 10: Tag Questions

You know what tag questions are, right?

A few bits ‘n bobs on tag questions:

  • Try to be conversational - otherwise you’ll sound like a sneaky hypnotist.
  • Tag questions from a ‘normal’ person seem to make suggestions less effective. The same questions from someone in authority appear to have no negative effect on the suggestion effectiveness.
  • “Take a seat, won’t you?” uses a tag question to soften an imperative request.
  • In the world of NLP - you’re wondering about how you can use this tool as part of a yes set now, aren’t you?
  • The tone signal of your tag will affect it’s delivery…
    • But you knew that already, didn’t you.
    • But you knew that already… didn’t you?
  • Use a pause before adding your tag question, wait and watch for their response, then use the tag question to boost the suggestions’ effect. It gives it a mild ‘mind reading’ tone.
  • Remind your subjects that don’t have to verbally respond, if they don’t want to.

Chapter 11: Framing/Reframing

Some typical components of NLP frames include…

  • Time
    • Compare an imagined experience in the past, present, and future.
    • Thinking about going deeper into trance now could be seen as desire and expectancy, or in the future as longing, or in the past as nostalgia.
  • Good vs bad
    • Was it right / incorrect, successful or unsuccessful
    • Was their arm supposed to fall down like that into trance? (Can you pull a quick one and rapidly reframe it as an indicator of trance?)
  • Who
    • How do they or others perceive something?
    • Were they unable to drop for others in the room, and it’s getting in their head? Do they want terribly to go into trance for you? Are they thinking about another partner?

Logical Levels

An example of this would be “you are hot” vs “what you did was hot.”

Robert Dilts breaks the hierarchy/levels:

  • Who I Am: Who are you? (Identity)
  • My Beliefs: Why did you do x? (Values)
  • My Capabilities: How did you do x? (Abilities and Methods)
  • What I Do: What do you/did you do? (Just actions)
  • My Environment: Where/When do you/did you feel x? (What happened)

Simple Reframing Tools

  • Conjunction Reframe - And, but, although, while, so
    • Your shoulders drop down, and you continue to find it easier to listen to the sound of my voice.
    • Your shoulders drop down, but you continue to find it easier to listen to the sound of my voice.
    • (Tinker with the ‘feeling’ of descriptions here.)
  • One Word Reframe: Swapping or removing a single word
    • S: “I’m a little nervous…”
    • H1: “A little shy?”
    • Villain hypnotist: “Oh, feeling little afraid?”
  • Comparison/Similarity Reframe
    • Shifting how things seem gradually…
    • “Doesn’t the care I’m providing you seem a little dark? Your excitement… betraying you?”

Chapter 12: Conceptual Metaphor

When working with NLP metaphors - loosen your definition of your metaphor up. It doesn’t matter if it’s a simile or an allegory, just roll with it.

Types of metaphors:

Structural

  • Argument is war - winning / losing / attacking / defending / fighting
  • Time is money - valuable resource, wasting, spending, costing, worth

Orientational

  • Happy is up - High spirits, being low
  • Future / progress is forward - Ahead, coming up, moving backward
  • Status is up - Higher status, lower in rank

Ontological

  • (Giving things substance…)
  • The mind is a machine - just not working, gears spinning, programming
  • The mind is a brittle object - breaking someone’s mind, fragile thoughts

Boundary

  • An activity has a boundary (before, after, during)
  • The forest has a boundary (Outside, inside, within)
  • Trance house a boundary (into trance, entering, out of)

Personification

  • A book is a person - it ‘told me,’ it explains
  • A computer is a person - It is dying
  • The unconscious mind is a person - it keeps me safe, thinks for me, knows better than I do

Metonymy

  • A thing as another thing
  • The part is the whole - they’re such a pretty face
  • The creator is the works: I enjoy reading sleepingirl
  • The place is the people: The class said that hypnosis is hot

Applications

You can use this to spice up your language. Instead of ‘down’ into trance (lower, deeper, falling) you can go for floating, suspended, flying, weightless. Or - if you say “your brain feels fuzzy,” what else feels fuzzy? Like it’s becoming stuffing, filled with cotton candy, like TV static, soft like polyfill. Or less kinesthetic - out of focus, hard to make out.

(As a footnote - don’t be dumb and fall into the trap of believing your own metaphors. Minds aren’t suggestion-accepting machines.)

Chapter 13: Hypnotic Metaphors

Therapeutic hypnotic metaphors work trying to solve a specific issue - you might suggest a car needs to be refueled and maintained, and it’d be silly to expect the car to just maintain itself for someone that doesn’t accept emotional support.

Some guidelines for picking out and using metaphors:

  • Search for Symbols
    • (Ideally, utilize what your partner knows, and use components of that.)
    • A staircase deepener is an example of using a ‘down’ metaphor
  • Consider Direction
    • You can tell a story, or build towards something
  • Sell Your Metaphor 💵
    • If your partner finds metaphors difficult to process, it’s okay to guide them a bit
    • “That reminds me of…”
    • “There’s a thing that happens…”
    • “Doesn’t that seem familiar now? Like when (foo)”
    • Consider how much to spell out as a gradient, rather than something that’s black and white
  • Change your metaphors over time
    • Change the intensity of your description, sharpening and focusing
    • Or blur and fuzz it, or simplify things if you’re ‘brainwashing’
  • Flow
    • Feel free to freestyle sometimes
    • “Thinking out loud” can even work
  • Think About Ending/Insight
    • Circle back to what you want to highlight
    • Leave a gradient of room for interpretation

Chapter 14: Future Pacing

Future pacing, as a therapeutic tool, is for preparing for a situation in the future.

The general framework:

  • You are Here
    • Set their present baseline. Tell them their ‘right now’ so you can talk about ‘another time’ soon.
  • You are there
    • Set the “what if” and “what would it be like if / when…” This is about creating an emotional state the subject can anchor to.
  • You are back
    • This step is “optional,” but you can make explicit suggestions on the way back. Bring changes back with you ‘from the future.‘

Applications

  • Realistic Future Pacing
    • Walk them through (and possibly highlight parts of) a future event. “Hm… I bet you’re thinking about what it’ll feel like when (I put you back in that (situation) / feel thing for the first time), aren’t you. ”
  • Making Triggers Stick
    • Have them go through what the trigger will feel like in the future, when it’s allegedly stronger.
  • Sadistic Pacing (Or just, unrealistic future pacing.)
    • Have them experience a playful threat in the future of something that ‘might’ happen. This is handy for situations that aren’t really plausible, but can get them in the headspace.
  • Presuppositions
    • Time based ‘when’ presuppositions have more effect than ‘if.’
  • Past Pacing - what if
    • Wouldn’t it be amazing if you’d already (been in situation) for an hour?
    • What if I had already (created effect?)
  • Contrasting
    • Contrast them to a previous position they used to have to highlight the changes. Maybe they didn’t like triggers previously (like me,) and now they think they’re fun and harmless. It’d be easy to tease me about just how far this would go.
  • Memory Play
    • You can suggest past memories being harder to recall for effect, given that you take appropriate precautions.

Chapter 15: Submodalities

Submodalities are just the qualia of a VAK experience. If you’re willing to try the sauce, you can give this exercise a spin.

  • Think of an object valuable to you
    • V - is the picture close or far away? 3d, flat? Vivid, dim? Framed, panoramic?
    • A - Is it loud or feint? Close or far? Directional? Etc…
    • K - The feeling you get when you think about that valued object.
      • What is that feeling?
      • The temperature of that feeling?
      • Pleasant or unpleasant?

This can be a talking tool asking someone about an interest they have, suggesting it become ‘sharper’ or ‘brighter,’ and check what changes they ‘see’ or experience.

NLP Style Association and Dissociation

How “present” are you in this experience, or VAK component? In this context, this is all it means. An ‘associated’ imagination would be imagining yourself riding a bicycle. A ‘dissociated’ view of this would be watching yourself ride that same bicycle from a distance, maybe from a bench, or in third person.

Techniques

Basic:

  • Identify the submodalities
  • Change the submodalities
  • Refocus on the current experience - helping your partner notice the contrast

Belief modification:

  • Identify submodalities of the belief
  • Get submodalities on something unclear
  • Apply those submodalities to the original belief
  • Introduce a new belief, with the same submodalities
  • Diminish the old belief
  • Give the new belief the submodalities of the old belief
  • Future pace the new belief to test

Chapter 16: Ethics, Revisited

(I’ll be snipping out the tasty bits from this chapter.)

While I wouldn’t define someone as an ‘asker’ or a ‘guesser,’ I would say there is a direct and indirect ask. There’s a “dude can I eat the rest of your frys” vs “man… I’m so hungry (staring intently at the rest of your tasty fries.)”

A neat tip you can do to escalate or deescalate an interaction is give the option for a “Yes” answer, instead of pushing them into the discomfort of saying no. For example - if someone’s eating your fries, you could either say “stop eating my damn fries” or you could try a “Would you like go up to the counter with me and get some fries?” It’s… contextually bitingly direct, but it’s a tactful tool I should start employing.

Double Not-Binds

Provide two options - one to escalate, and one to de-escalate. “We could try out this new induction, or we could just chat a bit.” Or extending this with a ”… or we can each go off and check out the rest of the event. Anything’s good with me!”

Chapter 17: “Covert Hypnosis”

A few quick pointers on this - if you go slow with state change, your partner will be less likely to recognize it. You can roleplay covert hypnosis, or agree to it beforehand. Physical cues to go into trance are also an option (a gentle tap on the shoulders and a soft voice.)

Another neat option is to negotiate something, then use hypnotic amnesia to wipe away the memory of negotiating it.