06 - Etiquette and Eggplants

I am frankly terrified if you’re coming to me for communication advice. 😅 But here we go! This is mostly icing on the cake and a few ideas on how to help things flow smoothly.

Talking the Talk

Asking for what you want will always be a bit awkward. But that doesn’t mean it has to be difficult or complicated. I really like Mindfucking Mindfully’s take on it:

If X, then Y, because Z, where X is a condition, Y is a proposition, and Z is an explanation.

Algos, Sir Ezra. Mindfucking Mindfully: A Guide To Mental Manipulation For BDSM And Sadomasochism (p. 89). House of Algos Inc.. Kindle Edition.

Here’s how it works:

X is your invitation for a soft out. EG - “If you have time later,” “If you’re looking for new subjects,” or “If you have the energy.” The whole point of this is to make it more comfortable for someone to say no to your request, or give them time to think about it.
Y is what you’d like. Ideally, if you’re getting to know someone, ask to negotiate. “I’d like to talk about doing a session, (ideal),” “I’d like you to experience one of your inductions (less ideal, but OK!),” or “I want to to be forced to worship your beans.” (Direct AF, but clear!)
Z is why. “I haven’t experienced trance before,” “I’m looking for a new play partner,” or “I felt very normal watching that last subject drool all over the ground groveling at your footpaws.” Your ask is still in part Y, but without this information - they could draw an incorrect assumption. If someone’s had a ‘meh’ day and just wants to chill out for a session, that’s cool! I know I don’t have to worry about any long term commitments. If someone’s looking for a partner to switch with - that’s a longer conversation. If I don’t know any of this, it’s easy for me to assume they’re just horny AF and want something to do for the night. (Which is fine too! But I wish they’d tell me it’s a fling.)

Thank your ‘Tist

On the hypnotist side - it’s great seeing someone come out melted and pleasantly nonverbal. But we do want to know that…

You had a good time.
You’re okay!
You haven’t developed a crush on us and want to move in.

A few compliments are nice! And feedback is welcome too. But - It’s disheartening ending a session on a laundry list of wants. We want to know, but we also want to feel appreciated.

It’s also expected to need time to decompress. Your hypnotist might still be ‘in character’ and need some TLC as well.

For Fuck’s Sake - Say No

If you’re not interested in something - say no. This can be not being interested in a session, the person, the idea, just tonight, or even switching. All these things are okay! Just don’t make it more awkward than you have to.

Relationships

Roles

There’s a bit of nuance between the sentences “ah yeah, we did a session last night” and “ah yeah, my hypnotist and I did a session last night.” The first one connotates chilling out and having fun, and the second one can imply a relationship. It doesn’t mean you’re someone’s subject just because you do a session with them - that’s more of an overarching relationship. If you did a session, you’re probably just friends.

If things ‘feel’ a little off - find a way to make sure you’re both on the same page relationship wise. Hypnotists can fuck this up too. (Ask me how I know.)

Avoiding Emotional Dependency

Please please please. Do not be one of those subjects that wanders around begging for a session to “get out of their head.” Chat to a friend or go to your usual sources for emotional support. We’re not therapists - if we were, we’d charge.

Not only is this a turnoff - but this behavior can leave you vulnerable to predatory hypnotists. 99% of us are just in it for a fun time. But for that 1%, it makes you a prime and visible target to have your preferences shifted and end up emotionally dependent on someone.

If you need emotional support, and your hypnotist is also a friend, it’s time to chill and hang out - not for a session. If you had a long day at work, maybe ask for a PMR.

Be Actively Engaged

Without mincing words:

The subject to hypnotist ratio is like a California DMV line.
While hypnotists do enjoy pushing buttons, most of the sessions we do center around helping our subjects have a good time at their request.
Yes mind control is fun - but it’s also work.

So…

Please have fun! What’s usually why we’re here.
If you can’t make a scheduled time, that’s OK! Let us know ahead of time!
If you’re not in the right emotional state, that’s OK too! We’d much rather know than have an abreaction on our hands.
Please be actively engaged in enjoying yourself and the session.

Group Drops

Group drops are fun! They’re generally milder sessions usually given by vetted hypnotists to a group of people. A few helpful tips:

You won’t have one-on-one focus, so you might have to engage more actively than usual.
If you start to feel uncomfortable, please disengage and quietly step off to the side. If someone serves a spicy burrito and there’s four simultaneous abreactions, it’s going to be a mess - in this case you did not negotiate ahead of time for aftercare - so it’s on you to take care of your shit. If you’re lucky - there might be some volunteers around to check in on you, but it’s not a guarantee.

Mute Plz

Please mute your microphone if you’re in a digital space. Hearing…

_{… and allow that breath to slowly release-}

PSSSHHHFHELRLJFOPHAHFPPFFTTT ( MIC CLIPPING )----

…is disruptive.