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04 - Consent and Safety Frameworks

Ah yes - every internet user’s favorite arguing ground - consent frameworks. Where people fight on forms, Telegram, Discord, Xitter, Mastodon or Bluesky until the biological need to sleep supersedes the need for validation in a discussion that usually doesn’t apply to the problem - where behavior goes beyond simple miscommunication and bleeds into manipulation and malicious compliance.

Don’t get me wrong - consent and safety is important. These frameworks are useful for two well-meaning individuals working together. These frameworks hinge on communicating intentions. However, frameworks do not prevent deception. You could use Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink (PRICK) well to highlight that both parties should be proactive in playing safely. But it could easily be misused in a bidirectional blame game.

I’d like to give you some of these frameworks not as tools, but as food for thought. It’s something you and your hypnotist can use to sit and think on before embarking on a more intense journey.

SSC

Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Both of you should be of sound mind when you make decisions surround safety and consent. This means:

  • Making your consent and safety decisions outside of trance and sober.
  • Making your consent and safety decisions outside of the heat of the moment.

FRIES

Freely-given, Revocable, Informed, Enthusiastic, Specific consent.

  • Consent is invalidated if given under duress or undue pressure.
  • Consent can be revoked.
  • Consent must be (risk and context) informed.
  • Consent must be enthusiastic. Assent is different than consent. (A counterargument for this later.)
  • Consent must be specific. Even if you use blanket consent, there should always be limitations.

RACK

Risk Aware Consensual Kink. It’s up to both parties to be as reasonably aware of the risks as they can be. A more flexible model highlighting that the things we do are inherently dangerous, so we need to plan for when things go wrong, rather than only trying to minimize risk.

PRICK

Personal Responsibility in Consensual Kink. This highlights both parties are responsible in safety and consent. Traditionally, ensuring the safety of the submissive was entirely on the dominant. A better way to look at consent and safety is as a collaborative effort. It shifts from “who’s at fault” to “how can we evaluate, minimize, and prepare for risk.” Consent isn’t just on the submissive’s side, but the hypnotist also needs to practice giving consent as well.

Let’s put this into perspective. Say you’re going out for dinner, and your long-term partner really REALLY wants to suggest tasty enchiladas. You’re not feeling too hot on the idea, but they’ve been itching for this for months.

  • They’ll be excited to have enchiladas!
  • They’ll probably cover the tab.
  • Enchiladas are still tasty, just not your first pick.

But - this consent isn’t enthusiastic. Wouldn’t it be your Personal Responsibility In Consensual Kink to bring up that it’s not enthusiastic in Freely Given Informed Enthusiastic and Specific? There’s no Risk from Risk Aware Consensual Kink that you’re aware of, but that doesn’t make it Enthusiastic. You might feel like you even need to shift your preferences to be more enthusiastic to match up with your hypnotist’s dinner plans.

Let’s take a step back. You both want to have fun, and it’s OK to want to please your partner. If you’re REALLY not feeling enchiladas, you can suggest something else or just say no. This isn’t a heinous crime against the BDSM police, you’re just getting dinner. You’re comfortable, it’s safe, you can make decisions for yourself, and you’re not being coerced.

I want to make the argument that if you can’t go out and get a burrito with your partner inside of a consent framework, you’ll have to use your brain instead of impactful sounding acronyms.

That’s Mexican Dinner consent.

Further Reading