03 - Red Flags in Play

While you can look for tells of abuse outside of hypnosis - manipulation techniques become far more effective when you have someone actively engaged in strengthening their effects.

Play Red Flags

If you see any of these - you need to address these immediately. These are not ‘talk about it later’ things, these are situations where you come back to the surface and stop for the day. All of these would be fair game for ending a kinky relationship. Stupidity on your hypnotist’s side is not an excuse.

If they retaliate - it’s a good sign you should wrap things up with them. Another pattern is they’ll try one technique, apologize, then try something else later on. These things really aren’t OK.

Any suggestion to erode your agency without a pre-talk or limitations. This is a bit different than “trying to move your body and finding that you can’t move.” This is more about being unable to resist their suggestions at a higher level.
They suggest some part of you wants something you’re not sure about? That’s manipulation. If it’s for something you explicitly asked for, probably all right. If it’s for control - leave.
Do they demand dominance or submission?
Do they incrementally suggest changes over time without a clear pre-talk? Suggesting enjoying the sound of their voice is in a gray area. The dangerous evolution of that is ‘becoming more comfortable with my suggestions and ideas.’ Feeling like you’re being primed is probably the biggest warning sign you can look out for.
Do they suggest addiction without a thorough and clear pre-talk?

Other Red Flags

You still need to come back to the surface to talk these suggestions and situations out. It’s more plausible your hypnotist may not know what they’re doing in these cases, but it’s still not safe.

Strange suggestions of emotional closeness or “my thoughts are your thoughts, why would you not agree with yourself?” There’s no reason to resort to this garbage. They’re sloppy, manipulative, or an idiot. Possibly all three.
Do they present metaphors for closeness to them or more control, then backpedal when you bring it up, suggesting you misinterpreted them?

I call this technique indirect checking.

In indirect checking, you use a metaphor to maximize the amount of control you can get, and then blame the subject for ‘taking it the wrong way.’ This tests both your interest in being controlled, as well as how easily gaslightable you are. They may even insinuate you’re “inflexible” or “troublesome to work with.”

You got the point - they’re trying to get more than you bargained for. Get the fuck out.
Do they ignore or ‘misunderstand’ your negotiated limits? If this is a one-off, they might just suck at negotiating, people make mistakes, or communication may have been unclear. If they’re no longer interested after you lay it out for them - then you just dodged a bullet. (There’s also the rare case that they’re testing how “firm” your boundaries are - in which case you should get out of that situation.)
Do they escalate mid-session?

Abuse Process

Earlier versions of this document looked like a cheap imitation of rainytigerdinosaur’s writeup Patterns of a Predatory Hypnotist. I’ll provide my quick take here. I focus more on prevention while they have a better take on resilience and resistance.

Forewarning

At any stage during this process, if you get yourself caught up in this mess, you always have control - even if they’ve convinced or manipulated you to believe otherwise. This progression in no sense of the word is safe, but it is something you can get out of.

You should always be testing your safeties and agency periodically. It’s always there, but it’s better to learn to swim in a shallow pool than in the middle of the ocean.

1. Trust and Testing

As with most normal hypnotic relationships - things start off light and gradually escalate. Most of your ‘tells’ for poor behavior are going to be outside of hypnosis.

At this point they’re likely to:

Encourage you to try CNC and test the ‘firmness’ of your boundaries.
Build trust. They may create an artificial honeymoon period and pull back. When you’re desperate for more play, they might use that to coerce you in to softening your limits.

Watch for anxiety or discomfort in your sessions. Sometimes I think my gut is smarter than I am. If you ever hear them say “you may find that some part of you wants [something you do not want],” GTFO.

2. Escalation

At this point - you’ve got an established relationship.

You may have shifted primarily to CNC.
They may have or have started to eroticize losing control, either through conditioning or explicit suggestions.
They might start to toy with shifting harmless parts of you or preferences. In normal situations this is fine, but this also gives them a feel of how you’ll respond to be molded.

Further in to your relationship is where they should be more careful, not less.

3. Testing subversion.

You’ve had a relationship for a bit and have built up trust. You’ve changed some of your preferences and shifted a few of your boundaries to their preference.

They might start to push harder. Play may become more intense, and you may be afraid to bring up your concerns.
Your situation may feel “off.” Did you really want this? Is it normal for your hypnotist to direct your development?
Most dangerously, they might start to fabricate a part of you that always wants to respond, submit, and give in. I understand that this is popular in a lot of fiction, but the real deal is no fun at all.
They’ll check their homework, making sure they can overpower you, and you won’t retaliate.
They may start to abuse amnesia suggestions. They may have buttered you up so much that you want that.
They may begin to intertwine themselves into more parts of your life like your finances or day-to-day decisions, or begin isolating you.
They’ll suggest addiction to either them or their files.
They’ll normalize their own behavior.

A responsible hypnotist will suggest a break, or start to clear out suggestions and find something new to toy with.

4. Eroding agency.

This gets nasty. You can still get out, and it’s worth it, but it’ll suck.

They’ll try to gaslight you into saying you gave consent for something.
They may suggest pain at trying to remove suggestions.
They may try to put in self-destructive mechanisms if you try to leave.
They’ll continue to isolate you.
They’ll take more control of you ‘for your own good.’

I’m at a loss as to what to do at this point other than state the obvious. Reconnect with friends and plan your way to safety. At this point, it’s more of an abuse problem than it is a hypnosis problem.

🧡 Please take care of yourselves. I’ve heard of too many rough histories and horror stories.