02 - Abuse Profile

Abusers often don’t think they’re abusers. Things are bad enough when it’s just unintentional shitty behavior, but it’s REAL bad when someone in power with boundless charisma knows exactly what they’re doing.

It’s hard to split out the red flags from the false positives. Some of the shit here just happens and it sucks - but it’s worth looking for patterns or a sinking feeling in your stomach.

Priority Red Flags

Let’s start with the big ones. If seen as warning labels, they’d be bright red, flashing, and probably have a few bloodstains nearby.

(Label from wikimedia.org)

These should demand your immediate attention and care. Many of these should be obviously intolerable (disrespect or a poor attitude regarding negotiation,) but even in the case that they can be explained away, they’re a strong indicator to be vigilant.

Do they treat you disrespectfully - outside of what’s negotiated?
Do they get pissed off when you disagree or don’t follow suggestions? Don’t feel like you can disagree safely? Do they retaliate when you complain or bring up a concern?
Do they have a troubled past with hypno groups? Do they paint themselves as a victim?
Did they display elevated interest after you presented yourself as emotionally vulnerable? There’s nuance here - they could just be kind and opening up to you. It’s different if they start to smother, isolate, and control you, possibly in combination with love bombing.
Do they minimize the dangers of personality play? Tulpas and temporary personalities are something you research in your own time, and are not always damaging. What is far beyond a red flag is someone priming you to try it out. It’s like the difference between you doing your own research on Flunitrazepam, vs some rando at the bar insisting you should “try this definitely safe drink, it’ll be fun.”
Do things feel ‘off’ or ‘wrong?’ You should have a good idea of why. This is a tough one - feelings a fallible, but they’re usually there for a reason. The nuance is in knowing why. If you’re uncertain, there may be something more nefarious going on, particularly in combination with some of the other flags here in cicrumstance.

Ask permission to record audio of your sessions, or have a friend sit in. You should talk it out with your hypnotist and let them know you’re concerned, but your gut-check should be taken care of with a friend you trust. Part of the fun is that your hypnotist is good at manipulating you, but that also puts them in a position to abuse you. The important parts are not to continue play until you feel comfortable, and not to rely on your hypnotist for reassurances of safety and consent. It doesn’t matter if it’s abuse or not - something may be wrong.

Again, these demand vigilance, most of these being a sign to leave a relationship before it goes sour. All of these are clear indicators that they do not have your best interests in mind.

Demanding exclusivity (or hypno-monogamy.) That leads to isolation, removing your safety net.
Do they hold your friends ransom? Or - do you get the feeling that if you stopped play, they would speak poorly of you and create a divide?
Do they try to turn you against other people in your social circle? (Are they playing a long game to isolate you?)
When there’s a disagreement, do they go out of their way to make sure other people know you’re ‘wrong?’

The last one here is tough…

Do they have a ‘hive,’ ‘collective’ or ‘harem?’ If there’s an overtone of control - you might be in danger.

I might get roasted for saying this, but even in roleplay, many of these dynamics lead to more trouble than they’re worth. Regardless of the extent, ‘formalizing’ these identities as ‘my drone’ or ‘part of the collective’ can easily create an unhealthy relationship centering around control.

General Abuse Flags

Continuing with the warning label metaphor - these would be your usual NFPA diamonds. None of these are a good look - but come together as part of a bigger image.

(Label from wikimedia.org.)

Personality and Circumstance

Sometimes (a lot of the time) - brats nail it. They’re the best friends to tell you and help you get your shit together.

In a mocking tone of voice:

I went to college, so clearly I’m full of myself, but I’m a great hypnotist to make your dreams come true.

-Altreyas

Are they often concerned about their public image? (Disgustingly - have they asked or insinuated that you spread their good word?)
Do they flex their reputation? Not in just a vain way - but in a way that makes you want to comply with their desires? Are you a “special” subject that they picked out?
Are they already an authority figure in your life?
Do they brag about their ‘psychology degree’ or hypnosis certifications, insinuating that it’s a great honor to be treated well by them?

Control Patterns

Do they treat you as if you’re “lucky to have them?” Is there an overtone that hints you’re disposable?
Are they worried about you ‘leaving,’ and use that to set expectations or change your behavior?
Do they present themselves as entitled to your subordination or submission?
When/if they’re abusive, do they seem to deliberately control their own expression? This tactic prevents you from responding angrily to something that you should be angry at. You might hear a classic variation of “I’m not angry, you’re angry. Don’t tell me what I’m feeling.”

They only want to do hypno? It could be a booty call. As long as you’re on the same page about your relationship - it’s fine. I’ll occasionally want to do a session to blow off some steam, but I try to be clear about it.
Do they treat you better or differently in front of other people?

Reframing

After a disagreement, do they reframe their actions or the situation to make themselves look good? “Oh, I thought you wanted me to take away some of your agency - you said you thought it was hot.”
Do they minimize their mistakes?
Do things feel like gaslighting?

Taking advantage

Do they create conflict, then ask for make-up play?
Do they create transactional pressure without negotiating it? Expecting to switch is cool. Doing something then defining how to ‘pay you back’ is no bueno.
Do they use their generosity to put you in their debt?

Tactics and Conditioning

Do they create oppositional pressure through context? For example - “I thought you would be hard to work with.” (This creates the pre-frame that resisting is being ‘hard to work with’ and unreasonable.)
Do they ignore you for periods of time - just to see if they can get your attention?
Does it seem like their responses are up to chance? EG - are they randomly bouncing between love-bombing you and leaving you high and dry?
Do they ‘test’ or prime you with odd requests? “Ah, you can call me master, if you like.”

Additional Resources

I couldn’t find the source of these images - but these have been passed around the community for ages. If you can’t sit someone down for a real talk, these can do in a pinch.

01 - Duties and Responsibilities

03 - Red Flags in Play